I present to you a list of nonsense.

1. While listening to the news on the radio, audio clips from Sotomayor’s confirmation hearings began playing.  Maybe it’s because he’s just on my brain, but she sounded just like Michael Jackson to me.  Weird.
2. If a pair of pants has 2 buttons then a zipper, you can bet a million I will forget to zip.  Once I’ve performed 2 functions on my jeans, I feel I have completed the closure….I guess 2 is my limit.  So embarrassing.
3. Attention fellow night owls!  This one’s for you.  ” The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.”   HA!  Saw this quote on Twitter and it made me giggle.
4. I have worked at my employer for over a year.  We are required to wear hosiery.  I never wear dresses…only pants, because you can wear knee highs (the lesser of 2 evils).  Just this week I realized I don’t actually have to pull the knee highs up to my knees….I can just fold them down to my ankles without any noticeable difference.   Why did it take me over a year to figure this out?  IDIOT! (the mental picture you have of me with knee-highs folded down to my ankles will not deter me from wearing them in this fashion)
5. I frequent alot of the local thrift stores.  I spotted this particular item recently and  it had (has) me baffled.
   

   I do not understand this one bit...seriously, someone explain.

   

6. This girl….

It's Me or the Dog host, Victoria Stillwell

always reminds me of this girl.

Red-headed Stepsister of Cinderella

Sorry for this, but where else can I get this stuff out of my crazy brain!?

On a totally unrelated note, I joined Twitter, so follow me if you like!  (I know that none of the above stuff is related and I probably could have just made this number seven, but that’s just how my brain works)

Song for Post:  Slippery People by Talking Heads (from the movie concert Stop Making Sense)

Talking Heads=crazy, amazing awesomeness.

4.

Easter Parade, Judy Garland and Fred Astaire (if you haven’t ever seen Easter Parade…rent it!  …it’s a must see)

Let’s celebrate all that was accomplished in Christ when He rose from the dead!  Amen!

Song:  Blackbird  (because of the Black Parrot…and because it is the dead of night.)

What’s really crazy is…..authenticity is probably #1 on the list of reasons I am attracted to certain personalities. I find it sobering that one of my favorite traits in people is one that I am truly lacking right now. Yes. Joel and I have unique circumstances that make it pretty painful to just “lay it all out there”, but the beauty of true authenticity is being consistently authentic…even when it hurts.

For those of you who are unaware, Joel has been out of ministry in the local church for almost 3 years now. Our exodus from our last church was ugly and hurtful for many, not just us. Maybe you have experienced something similar….something that left you with all the ingredients you need stir up a batch of bitterness. I don’t think Joel and I were ever brave enough to put ours in the oven (thank you, Jesus), but we’ve definitely licked the spoon.

After countless résumés, laborious 2nd round questionnaires, and lots of tears, the Lord has seen fit for us to continue to wait.

So here’s what I am battling/have battled (I am speaking for myself b/c Joel’s list would probably be different):

Are we in the wrong?

We weren’t the bad guys that led to our resignation. Why are we the ones being punished while they are making toasts and clinging glasses to their guilt-free existences(that’s how I pictured it in my head…I know I’m crazy)? That question led to a frantic search to find out answers to questions like: What’s wrong with me? What should I remove from my life? What should I add? My tormented thoughts would go round and round...Kari, it’s you. Joel is ready to move onward, but until you become a better Christian, the Lord can’t give him a church position. I kept thinking If I could just line up all the teeth on the key just right, it will certainly unlock the door to our waiting room.

Everyone is moving forward. (warning: this one comes from my inner whiney-baby)

Friends are getting married, having babies, buying furniture, owning homes, looking cute in new clothes (ugh…I know…what a whiner!) Some of our friends have come in and walked out of the waiting room and we are still here. WE GOT HERE FIRST!*stomping feet* Lord, the waiting room could really use some of those flashing pagers at Outback Steakhouse? Just so you don’t think I’m a demon, I am ridiculously happy for all my friends and their forward-stepping journeys. It’s just that when my heart celebrates for them, another part of me cries out “When, Lord?”. (not when can I have babies?, but when can we move forward? )

How much information do people want to know when they ask how we are doing?

The waiting room (a.k.a. Refiner’s fire, at least in our situation) is not a daisies and sunflowers conversation. I usually discern what answer to give based on where we are when people ask us. If I am at a friend’s house and they ask me what’s going on, I usually spill all. But if you ask me in the middle of a crowded room, I am probably just going to say, “ Doing well, thank you.” It’s too weighty a conversation for some places.  And I cry enough in public without having this conversation. Really. It’s crazy how little it takes for me to cry.

I cry all the stinkin’ time!

For real. I have always been a hyper-sensitive person. BUT, my goodness! I am on the verge of dehydration! It’s always been bad, but not THIS bad.

Did He forget us?

Whew!….this one’s a toughy. There are lots of Bible verses that were written as swords for this very dragon-of-a-question, but sometimes you’re so weak you just let the dragon open wide, show his pointed teeth, and breathe fire right on your head…..especially after 3 years. To feel you have been forgotten also leads to a certain spiritual numbness. Maybe you’ve felt numb before, too. Wondering if you can feel “it” again.

So why am I telling you all these things?

When I hear transparency in people it makes me feel like less of a weirdo. I hope any other weirdos reading this will not feel so alone. Alone is hard….and painful. And trying to be something you’re not leaves you A-L-O-N-E.  Also, I am hoping this will be a starting point for me to be more up front with the world instead of wearing this mask all the time. I don’t pretend to think I’ve outwitted all my friends into thinking everything is rosy. They are sharper than that. It’s sort of like when someone shows up with a mysterious beauty mark. Everyone knows they are just hiding a mountainous zit that Clearasil just couldn’t handle and Ms. Mole just ends up looking foolish. I currently feel like Ms. Mole. (sorry for the weird metaphor)

Here’s what I am learning.

• Putting my trust in myself will only get me so far. (like an inch, maybe.) Psalm 28:7
• Refinement brings you to your knees. It leaves you with no other option but to cry out to the Lord. Psalm 66:10-12
• The Lord’s discipline, other than reminding you you’re His child, strips you of feeling entitlement. I don’t need (or deserve) new clothes or a new house to be happy, even if my flesh groans against this. Jesus is enough. His grace is sufficient. 2 Cor. 12:9
• My soul is still alive! Sometimes I’ll read a Piper sermon and my heart is leaping. We are studying Esther with Beth Moore on Wednesdays and I am treasuring it so! Joel has texted me encouraging verses throughout the day and I am on a cloud. Signs of life in the desert! Hallelujah!
• My God has not forgotten me. The fact that my dross is burning as i speak type is evidence. Psalm 13

Please pray for us.  If you already are, THANK YOU.  If you are struggling similarly, please let me know so I can be praying for you.  I want to do this together!  Being something we are not just makes people think we don’t need them, BUT WE DO!  We we’re not wired to go it alone.  Amen?  Amen.

Song: I’m Looking Through You, covered by the Wallflowers.  Surely you know it was originally a Beatles tune…..right?

My Beautiful Mum.

Mum, who was a single parent most of our childhood,  is one of those people who can do just about anything.  So to stay true to my birthday blogging, I will begin The List.  This list will be of things my mom has done, can do, and/or is doing.

• She taught aerobics…I don’t really remember this one, but I’ve seen some pretty awesome 80’s pics to prove it.  Just picture purple leotards and pink headbands
• Pre-Kari and Justin, both of my parents were marksmen and participated in competitive archery.  She’s no gun-shy sissy like me, no siree!
• She used to be this really amazing hair stylist with her own salon and everything.  That was in the 80’s, too….I can still smell the Aussie Scrunch Spray. Deana?  Justin?  Do you know where the red, round brush is?
• During cosmetology school she dyed her hair pink.  I remember kind of being scared, but then I remembered Cyndi Lauper’s hair was pink and all was well.
• Once she worked for home health and made fast friends with a beautiful, elderly woman named Mrs. Bennie.  She tenderly cared for Mrs. Bennie until she passed away.
• Mom was also a manager of a grocery store.  This was the single most demanding job I remember her having.  She worked like 100+ hrs a week to make ends meet.  All 3 of us kiddos were in Little Dribblers and some of the more coordinated kiddos were in Little League (ahem), so I imagine we were a drain on the checkbook.
• One time, she was really in to stenciling, cross-stitching, and fabric painting.  Even though it’s still hard to believe there was a time when country blue and wooden cut-outs were all the rage, my Mom rocked some mad, country craftin’ skilz.
• She was a “stay at home mom” in our early years.  Our house was full of fun!  We had picnics outside, watched Santa Barbara at lunch, and listened to the radio all day(SL100 FM)!  This is why I know every word to songs that were out when I was 3 and 4….there just stuck in my brain.
• She helped start a grease trap business from scratch and she managed it with perfection.  If you’re not aware, the grease trap business is sort of considered a “man” job.  But I’ve definitely heard her give a truck driver a verbal spankin’ and saw said truck driver sink in shame….yeah, she’s pretty awesome.
• She sold her part of the grease trap business and bought a house.  This was our first time to live in a house that was truly ours…it was special.
• Oh…she was also a contractor.  She built all these houses (including the one that she bought ) while running the grease trap business.
• It probably shouldn’t be right that she can do all these things and still be a wonderful cook….but she is.  Her Thanksgiving dressing will set you free.
• She’s still a girly girl.  Don’t let all the gun-slingin, house building, grease trap stuff fool you.  My mom is all glitz and glam.  She is beautiful!
• She sewed some of my dance solo costumes and one of my prom dresses.  I was REALLY picky!  I can’t believe she even attempted.  But I loved them all.
• She mainly worked in sales after grease trapping and contracting.  By now, you shouldn’t be surprised she is excellent at this, too.
• In the last 4 or 5 years she’s been playing the guitar and writing songs… fulfilling a dream that’s been in her heart since she was a little girl.

This list (which is not exhaustive) of things-my-mum-can-do in no way defines who she is to me.  It just helps me explain how she has influenced me (and I suspect Deana and Justin, as well).  You see, when you are around someone who is as driven and successful as my mom it’s hard to justify reasons you can’t do something….even if you initially don’t know how.  Most of the bravery I have comes from her.  I may fail (although I can’t think of a time she failed), but not without trying first.

A lot of the ambition my mom had to be great was directly related to providing for my sister, my brother, and me.   Looking at this (almost-comical-because-it’s- so-long) list reminds me of her devoted love for us.

Thanks, Mum!

I hope you have a beautiful birthday.  I love you.

A song for Mum:

This song is one my mom and sister used to rock out to!  I think I was too young to join in, but the 2 of them belting this song out in the car is one of my earliest music memories.

For those of you who need an audible explanation…..Donny Osmond can help me out.

He will probably kill me for doing this, but I just have to post some pictures of little Joel.  He was just such a cutie-pants I can’t help myself!

Seriously?  Can you resist those eyes?…..those precious little fingers?  ….those CURLS?  I am melting right along with that snowcone!!!!!!

Just give me a second to catch my breath…I cannot get a grip.  LOOK AT JOEL WITH HAIR!!!!!!!!!!  ….and dimples….and snaps instead of buttons….and a tight-lipped smile!  I love everything about this picture.  My baby pics barely resemble my grown-up self, but not Joel!  This is a perfect foreshadow of the way he looks now (except for the hair).

For those of you who are not in the know, Joel stirred up some tension among the Little Leaguers of Nacogdoches, Texas.  He could nail a baseball out of the park on any given day.  And yes, because of his giantness, parents begged for proof of birthdate.  “Show us his birth certificate!”  I can’t wait for the day we have to proove our kids’ birthdays!  I think I’ll just carry it around in a frame in my purse.  ” This my kids birth certificate, oh, and let me introduce you to my husband from where the giant genes come from.”  (sure, there is always a chance they’ll be shrimps like me)

I am just smitten with Joel!  He is such a wonderful husband!  I love how the Lord works it out for husbands and wives to compliment each other.  Joel is my perfect compliment!

31 Reasons I love Joel (not an exhaustive list):

1. Loves the Lord
2. Loves Jesus
3. Slow to speak
4. Quick to listen
5. Servant to his wife
6. HILARIOUS
7. Confident
8. Birder (that’s right! Joel can name a bird just from hearing it chirp!)
9. Unwavering
10. Leader
11. Great debater
12. Man-crushing on Glen Beck
13. Disciplined
14. My favorite person to watch movies with
15. Knows how to use a fire extinguisher  (wink.)
16. Appreciates God’s creation with wonder and awe
17. Will spend hours on he phone with customer service for the sake of justice.
18. My personal coach and motivational speaker
19. Lets me attempt to tackle him…sometimes he lets me win.
20. Pretends he’s not ticklish
21. He never yells in anger…only during a sport’s game
22. Loves when we master a recipe together
23. Plays drums….on any surface…..my arm, my leg, my head.
24. Acutely in-tune with the well being of our fish
25. Has a keen sense of sight….it’s eerie
26. Doesn’t burp out loud…at least not around me
27. A news junkie
28. Asked me out on a 2nd date (I was sure I tanked the first date)
29. Loves my family
30. One time, he made me a fruit salad with the largest bowl in our kitchen.  (more than a gallon…just for me)
31. HE’S A PACK LEADER.  (Owen will be here Sunday!)

Mad About You by Sting  (Joel and I both love this song)

Yes.  Presidential change is a big deal.  My mind probably should be more occupied with thoughts of this nature.  But, I’ve got a different kind of change on my mind.

Owen 09

In 3 weeks, Joel and I will be experiencing quite a change as you all know very well.  Puppy Parenthood.  I don’t know about you guys, but it seems like this 8 weeks is going by at snail-speed.

We are ready for change!

Yes we can! (be puppy parents)

This waiting is killing me.

For those who aren’t totally nauseated by our incessant posts about Owen, here is the latest pic we’ve received (without the fun Obamicon effect).

Cute little fella!

The Times They Are A-Changin’, Bob Dylan

• He’s so stinkin’ smart.  I am mostly jealous of this gene and wonder why he had to be so stingy with it.
• He knows how to do a lot of things– fix cars, build houses, figure out the end of a movie well before the credits roll, operate heavy machinery, decorate wedding cakes, impersonate the lead singers of most 70s rock bands, brew his own beer, etc.
• He loves his wife. (seems like a given, but not to be taken for granted)
• He can rock a bandana headband better than anyone I’ve ever seen.
• He unintentionally introduced me to one of the best bands of all time, Led Zeppelin.  (we used to rock to Stairway to Heaven on the way home from Ellisville, MS)
• He’s a great listener and wise counselor.
• He bought me a Chihuahua when I was in the 5^th grade.  I am sure he hates Chihuahuas in general, so I am still shocked this ever happened.
• He’s not afraid to cry.
• He is not ticklish, at all….ever.  He said it’s some mind trick. (isn’t that something Chuck Norris would say?)
• He does not judge.
• He’s a straight shooter.  I trust everything he says 100%.
• He loves deeply….all the way to the core.
• He taught me how to golf and fish.  I don’t presently do either very often, but don’t expect me to bat an eye if I have to bait a hook with a cricket or worm…no problem.
• He respects his elders.  I still hear him say yes ma’am and yes sir.
• He has awesome hair.  Long, auburn, curly hair.  Another gene he was stingy with.
• He can whistle through his teeth.
• I would not know who Charles Bronson is apart from him.
• He can hold his breath under water longer than anyone I’ve ever seen in person.  Scares me every time.
• His hands are thick and strong, like my Papa’s.

Me and Dad

When my brother, sister and I start talking about my dad, the conversation usually closes with “I love Dad.  He is so cool!”.   He really is.

Happy Birthday, Dad!  You’re the bestest, coolest, awesomest Dad!

A song for Dad….hmm…gotta be Zeppelin.    Black Dog

Thank you all so very much.   I love you guys.

Here is the last journal posting:

I just found out that my appointment at UAB is this Thursday morning at 8:00 with Dr. Heslin, the doctor who will be doing my liver surgery to remove this spot. They are going to skip the biopsy, as it is very likely that it is cancer and the doctors feel that it needs to be removed immediately. Dr. Heslin is going to review things with me and schedule my surgery, which looks like it will be within the next 1-2 weeks. I will begin chemotherapy as soon as I have had a little while to recover. I am so thankful for the doctors wisdom, which I have been asking God to give them. Please continuing praying…pray for no complications in surgery, pray that God uses the hands of the doctors, pray that God continues to strengthen my body for surgery, please continue to pray!!!

Kortnie